Giving Up

A short list of things I’d like to give up in 2018:

Responding, “Busy,” whenever anyone asks how I am doing. It’s not a badge of honor, and frankly my inability to switch off is not making me better at my job, my mental health, or my personal life.

Hitting the snooze function of my alarm several times every morning.

Avoidance as a coping method. I was easy on myself this past year and gave myself permission to avoid or cut out things, people, or scenarios that were contributing to my anxiety and minor depressive episodes. I’ve had loving and patient people in my life allow me to do this because they agreed it was good for me and were willing to be generous with me. Guess what? It worked, and I’m feeling resilient and balanced again. That means it’s time to toughen up and stop using this as an option in the face of confrontation, stress, pressure, discomfort, or negative emotions. It also means I need to pay it back to the people who allowed me to lean on them by taking my turn being available to lean on.

Freaking out over stupid stuff. I am alarmingly good at this.

Being lazy. This is also something I gave myself permission to do in 2017 after a rough year. It’s also worked, which means it’s time to pivot back to energy and effort, lest self care become permanent and unhealthy self-indulgence.

Social media. There is obviously no hope of this, but I’m pretty well convinced that Twitter doesn’t make me happy.

Guilt about writing. I don’t blog nearly as much as I’d like, but I’ve decided that the only cure for that is probably more frequent, shorter, and sillier posts like this one (hi, team!). I also don’t work on my fiction projects to the degree I’d like (and a lot of this in the past year has been about that avoidance and laziness I mentioned…) but I think small but steady chipping away at this will also help. In the meantime, I’m going to stop shouting at myself in my head for not being published yet.

You know. All super easy and basic things.

A Year of Health

“The First wealth is health.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve been thinking all month of how I want to frame 2018 (I’ve talked about my 2017 theme here and here if you want a refresher) and I’ve figured out what I want to focus on: making an effort on health. It was the one facet of my previous theme that I felt I didn’t make as much progress on as I would have wished in the past twelve months, so I’ve decided to make it my priority for the next twelve.

This feels like the most basic of basic goals, but I’m hoping my take on it is broad enough to keep it interesting, with enough specific goals to make progress trackable.

Body Health
Yes, yes with the typical exercise and weight goals, but really I’m trying to just “mind” my body better overall this year. I’d prefer regular exercise to intense workouts, regular meditation to aggressive “detoxes,” and feeling good in my clothes and own skin to focusing on numbers. I am not a natural health bunny, I hate every moment at the gym and default to lazy every chance I get; the only thing that helps me overcome my tendencies are ingrained habits and routines so I’m going to focus on building these this year. I’m also going to try and confront or fix some longstanding physical issues I’ve had (migraines, uneven muscle tension, hormones, etc.) instead of just living with them. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment scheduled before the end of the year to address a couple of internal situations, and like everyone and their dog, I’m resetting my diet this January after a December of absolute nutritional debauchery. Farewell, sugar. Speaking of…

Get in the Kitchen
No two ways about it, we need to cook more and eat out/order in less. This is for financial health reasons as well as physical ones–we spend more money than we should on easy food or food that we end up wasting because we don’t use it quickly enough. I’ve been focusing on consumption a lot in different ways for several years now, but somehow I’ve never really cracked food the way I have other areas of our lives. This is something I want to change…but I also want to change what I eat. I’m a natural grazer who (at my worst) veers between binging on snacks and missing meals. I think that cooking more regularly and the planning that goes into it will help me cut down on this as well has help me eat better food overall.

Brain Health
My bad stress habits and anxiety are more under control than they’ve been in years, but I could definitely do with a bit of help here to really get my brain in better working order. I’d like to engage with a therapist at some point in this year to help me work through a few lingering issues. This is one of my goals, but it’s something I’d like to commit to doing in 2018 instead of having it as a free floating goal. I also want to continue the mindfullness practices I’ve picked up this year and try to simply make lifestyle choices that I know keep me balanced and sane: using my holiday time, separating work and personal life, regular dates with my husband, long talks with friends…all of these things are good for me and I want to make sure I make time for them.

Financial Health
This is a continuation of some of the best parts of my Year of Less But Better that I want to continue to focus on. I consider this part and parcel with brain health as nothing is more stressful than money. I’m going to continue to move ahead with the self-challenges I do to limit my shopping or consumption and find ways to game-ify savings or usage the way consumerism typically game-ifies spending.

In short, I want to make more of an effort this year to take charge of things that I have been more passive about in the past.

I know my strengths and weaknesses, and typically when I’ve fallen off the wagon on health goals in the past it’s because I’ve tried to tackle too many challenges at once. In giving myself a year, I’m more hopeful in making lasting changes. Already I’m trying to think of some blog projects to support this theme the way I was able to in 2017, but I’m wide open to suggestions if any of the minion coterie have some brilliant ideas for the kinds of posts you’d like to see here on SDS in the new year.

Thanks as always for following along!

Five Things I Loved in December

“What should we speak of
When we are old as you? when we shall hear
The rain and wind beat dark December? how,
In this our pinching cave, shall we discourse
The freezing hours away?…”
~William Shakespeare, Cymbeline 

There are two great themes to this month’s favorites and they are diametrically opposed: comfort and glam. So be it. It’s December when we vacillate between parties and hibernation, effort and laziness, being extra and being tired. So here is the list of things that got me through all the slings and arrows of the holiday season!

Flannel Pajama Bottoms
It’s the time of year that requires comfy and warm loungewear. A couple of years ago I wore out and ripped a trusty pair of flannel pajama bottoms and I simply never got around to replacing them. More fool me. I finally got another pair this winter and I believe that last winter I suffered unnecessarily without them. Joules has some excellent options for those inclined to traditional and British styles.

 

Estee Lauder x Victoria Beckham Cheek Cream in Blonde Mink
Ok, ok so I technically said I wasn’t going to buy anything from this collection. I caved, I was weak, sue me. And I actually regret nothing because I’ve been wearing this stuff every day for over a month now and I absolutely adore it. Late to the game as always, I am discovering only in my 30s why so many women wear brown or nude blushes rather than more vivid colors. It’s a great idea. I may not have Posh’s cut glass features, but this stuff allows me to pretend like I do and that’s quite enough!

 

& Other Stories Wrap Dress
I haven’t needed much less bought a party dress in ages, but this year it turned out that I had quite a few December bashes to attend. It was an excellent excuse for a new frock! This dress from & Other Stories is an absolute beauty and made this short girl look like she has legs for days. As a bonus, it also feels like a decent substitute for this completely gorgeous and completely out of all mere mortalss price range Ganni dress which I also feel in love with earlier this year. Perfect! I expect this dress to live in my closet for several years to come, goodness knows it’s already earning its keep.

 

Abel & Cole
2017 was the year I discovered grocery delivery services and I will never, ever look back. I don’t regret our loss of car one whit since moving to London, but it would be a lie to say that it wouldn’t make some things simpler. Like grocery shopping. If we were better organised, more disciplined, or frankly didn’t work some ridiculous hours, we might try to do more frequent smaller shopping trips…but as none of those things are the case, we tend to still do big shops and end up with a bit more to carry home than we’d often like. Meaning that the ability to order my groceries online and have a helpful and friendly delivery person cart them straight to my door has been downright revolutionary, if occasionally pricey. This month, though, I feel like I found the healthy medium. I signed up for weekly delivery of a box of seasonal produce and a box of fish/meat. With the big things auto scheduled for me the occasional store run is now a much smaller and less heavy proposition.

 

Patch
This year I was determined to have an actual, proper Christmas tree for the first time in nearly a decade of married life. We’ve been the lucky recipients of family members’ generosity for almost every holiday season but one, and for that I got a tiny little fir in a pot to make due. Not this year, I wanted a British style Christmas tree and nothing was going to dissuade me. Like unto groceries, I wanted easy so I used Patch to order our Christmas tree, including a stand, and also schedule a handy collection after the holiday so we don’t have to drag a full sized tree down the road to the rubbish bins. Patch is a online garden shop specializing in plants for the urban dweller and were I not poor, they would take a lot more of my money. I have grand ambitions for them in the new year, however, as our front room continues to come together!

A Good, Kind, Forgiving, Charitable, Pleasant Time

“There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,’ returned the nephew. ‘Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round—apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that—as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!” 
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Weekend Links: Good Tidings Edition

“Mistletoe,” said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. 
“Good thinking,” said Luna seriously. “It’s often infested with nargles.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Kittens, I don’t know about you but I hit a wall in early December. This has been an overwhelmingly positive year (especially compared to last), but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t had its challenges and rough points. My batteries are a bit drained.

As happy as I am for the holidays, I’ve had a bit of trouble mustering the Christmas spirit. The placement of the holidays this year doesn’t help either, as both Christmas and New Year fall on Mondays meaning that syncing up work weeks, time off requests, and To Do lists was a bit more complex than usual. And of course, I’m dreadful at switching off which doesn’t help the batteries metaphor.

But I’m now officially on holiday and plotting our Christmas week. Our shopping is finally done, most of our parties and events are behind us, our tree is trimmed, and I’m plotting on pie making. The elf-like gleam is creeping back into my eye.

You’ll get a couple more posts from me before the end of the year, but in the meantime, let me wish you a joyous holiday season, kittens. I’m very glad you’re along for the ride.

 

Hi, I’m C., and I’m a glutton for “stop shopping” stories. Probably because I’m approaching my third annual 3-month shopping hiatus and have given myself some pretty lofty anti-consumerism goals for 2018…

This week I learned that in the 1920s, Utah proposed a bill that would ban women’s shoes with heels higher than one and a half inches and could impose fines for those who wore such scandalous footwear. Utah would have made millions off of me had it the good sense to have homed me 90 years earlier. Missed opportunity, space-time continuum!

I’m also always a reliable sucker for a, “Oh hey, we unearthed a priceless treasure that someone literally forgot or just left lying around somewhere,” story.

Bugs Bunny’s creator has passed away.

Well hey, take all my feelings.

Want to go dark, at least for web browsing? Wired has the details.

SHUT UP, MATT DAMON.

I laughed, but I also cried a bit, because 2017 is so wild that no one is talking about the UFOs, guys.

Well, hon, if you bungle your PR so badly that your company has to issue a statement clarifying that it doesn’t support Nazis… This whole situation has made me angry, both as a citizen and as a military brat. Kneeling was never about the military.

The engagement photos of Prince Harry and Ms. Markle are gorgeous. Thank god we get a nice wedding to look forward to.

Album of the week: Late Bloomer, by Malia

2017 in Review: Best of Books

“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” 
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

I’m on track to meet my goal of reading 100 books in a year again! I’ve been a voracious reader since childhood, but the truth is that my reading habits came tinged with both a little bit of snobbery and shame–both the product of a religious upbringing and a genuine desire to be an intelligent, well-read human. I didn’t like to admit how many romances, murder mysteries, chick lit, and easy reads I took in, even though I’ve always read “serious” novels and nonfiction in large quantities.

A couple of years ago I said to hell with it and have tried to document every book I’ve devoured on Goodreads just for the pleasure of keeping a list. I read everything. And more lately I’ve given myself permission to stop reading things I genuinely dislike (or actively hate; to this day I still grudge the hours I spent forcing myself to finish a novel in 2014). The result is unadulterated pleasure in books, and lot’s of ’em.

Favorite Young Adult: The Hate U Give, by Angie Thomas
A stunning debut novel about race and the fractured personal experiences that make up our collective cultural psyche.

Favorite Guilty Pleasure: The Crazy Rich Asian Trilogy, by Kevin Kwan
This series tells an over the top romp of a story of intertwined families, wealth, and outrageous privilege. The first books is apparently being turned into an upcoming film and I cannot wait!

Favorite New Author: Bill Bryson
He’s been around for yonks but I hadn’t read him until this year and swallowed four of his books in quick succession. His tone is delightful!

Favorite Memoir: The Princess Diarist, by Carrie Fisher
In the words of Lin Manuel Miranda, “Here comes the general, rise up!”

Favorite Romance: The Duchess Deal, by Tessa Dare
She’s one of my favorite romance authors and in her deft hands, the old Beauty and the Beast tropes are re-rendered in a fun and interesting way.

Favorite Nonfiction: After the Prophet, by Leslie Hazelton
A historical telling of the early tensions and schisms of Islam which have continued through to today.

Favorite Novel: The Little Stranger, by Sarah Waters
I’m ranking this category by most “successful” on me personally. This book is a slow paced, English country house mystery/horror novel in which there are no monsters or gore, and as far as I recall no murders. Jeff still came home late one night to find me wrapped in blankets, on the sofa, with every light in the house on because the ending was so unnerving and scary. This book, alongside Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft are my highest reviewed reads of the year.

What were your favorite, or indeed most loathed, tomes of this year?

2017 In Review: Best of Beauty

“When I arrived in America, I had these very dark red nails which some people objected to, but then some people object to absolutely everything.”
– Diana Vreeland 

It’s that time again, when we recap the year that was. I’ve been re-reading my weekly links round ups, my monthly favorites posts, and some of the posts I’ve enjoyed writing the most this past year. Like unto 2016 before it, 2017 has been a bit of a doozy with a lot of ups and downs to document, but the truth is in many ways, it’s been a banner year for me personally. I’m very grateful for this and I don’t take it for granted.

So I though, why not document a few of my favorite things from this past year!

My style and consumerism month-long blog project was a favorite project in 2017, so from a girl who has played with a lot of makeup and skincare this year, here’s my list of current favorite products on the market.

Best Foundation: Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation

Best Blush: Nars

Best Powder: Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder (I use the shade Dim)

Best Highlighter: Estee Lauder x Victoria Beckham Modern Mercury

Best Concealer: Glossier Stretch Concealer

Best Eyeshadow Palette: Anastasia Beverly Hill Modern Renaissance

Best Eyeliner: Tom Ford Eye Pen

Best Mascara: Maybelline Full ‘N Soft

Best Brow Product: Glossier Boy Brow

Best Lipstick: Bite Beauty Amuse Bouche for bullet lipsticks, Kat von D for liquid lipstick, Nars Velvet Matte for pencil/crayon formula

Best Lip Balm: Kiehl’s Facial Fuel No Shine Moisturizing Lip Balm

Best Cleanser: Oskia Renaissance Cleansing Gel for balm formula, Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser for an easy clean

Best Oil: Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery Concentrate

Best Serum: The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2%  B5

Best Skin Treatment: Sunday Riley Good Genes

Best Sunscreen: Thank You Farmer Sun Project Water Sun Cream

Weekend Links

“After luncheon the sun, conscious that it was Saturday, would blaze an hour longer in the zenith,…” 
― Marcel Proust, Swann’s Way

Good lord, it’s been another massive news week, so what follows is the links added in mostly chronological order. I started before the Alabama election, the FCC vote, before the rumors that Paul Ryan might be contemplating retirement, before Omarosa was fired/quit… Regardless, I think the lesson of not just this past week but the whole past year is that journalism–investigative, exhausting reporting–matters. Less punditry, more reporting, please.

But fear not, kittens, there are fun links this week too! We need to finalize some Christmas shopping this weekend, enjoy our Christmas tree, probably see the new Star Wars film, and stay bundled up because London is cold these days. Let me know what your plans are for the weekend in the comments, and I hope they are merry and bright.

An attempted terrorist attack in New York City.

While we’re talking about Alabama, let’s talk about this! There is a long an ugly history of voter suppression of people of color and it must be fought.

Reminder: there are 16 separate accusations on record.

I am on the one hand, very pleased that trans people who are already serving in our military will be allowed to continue to serve (until the inevitable court cases at least), and that others who come after and wish to serve will be able to do so. However. The precedent of the Pentagon overruling a president should chill us, regardless who sits in the Oval Office. Generals side stepping or disregarding elected officials is an historically dangerous move with a several thousand year history.

This is a fascinating piece about whether Vladmir Putin is the mastermind his is often credited as, or a man trying desperately to stay one step ahead of crisis who has occasionally gotten lucky with a ploy or two.

The Creep Purge of 2017 hits the food world.

Also a bit chilled that people think this is how juries work. A bit more chilled to consider they may be right.

The president (probably deliberately) sends a tweet out which could easily be read to imply that a senator may have given sexual favors for campaign contributions. Because he is the literal worst.

Lipstick is the answer.

Cat Person exploded all over the internet, as did the think pieces. I liked this Man Repeller one a lot.

As the Alabama election was still in full swing, this writer looked into and pondered on the zealotry of Roy Moore’s version of Christianity.

Speaking of, this interview clip was extraordinary, sad, and a bit scary.

The jewels are stunning, but more importantly, I need to learn to recreate this beauty look for the rest of the winter.

This pop culture thread? Completely hilarious.

Oh my god, Alabama come through!

There was immediately a huge amount of praise for the black community for the political mobilization, particularly women, but others saw this as perpetuating the “magical negro” trope. It’s an important discussion to have. In the meantime, how to truly support women of color and thank them for political action and involvement. Talk and tweets are cheap.

God damn it. So few heroes left to root for…

The FCC voted on Net Neutrality.

If this is true, he is an arsonist who helped to set a country on fire and then first looked then ran the other way.

The #MeToo backlash is here, here’s some thoughts on fighting back.

Rebecca Traister knocks it out of the park again: this moment is not (just) about sex.

Interesting piece on millennials and buying expensive jewelry. Spoiler: we’re buying less of it. Double Spoiler: we have nothing like the disposable income our parents had and this continues to shock people somehow.

Goodreads have released their reader-picked list of the best books of 2017!

Album of the week: Revival by Eminem

Weekend Links

When we shall hear
The rain and wind beat dark December, how,
In this our pinching cave, shall we discourse
The freezing hours away? 
– William Shakespeare

Another week, another round of resignations by dude outed as absolute creeps, another round of Brexit talks…the news continues to be a bit grim. Remember how we all were sick of 2016 and looking forward to 2017? LOLZ, as the kids say.

But hey! It wasn’t all bad! I did some Christmas shopping and shipping this week, I had our first ever proper Christmas tree delivered, and I have grand ambitions for holiday-style cooking this weekend. We’re also trying a new grocery delivery service (I know, very decadent times in the Small Dog residence), so I’m interested in sourcing opinions of minions who have tried similar services. Let me know how you source your holiday food in the comments, along with anything else on the internet worth sharing!

Helena Fitzgerald knocks it out of the park again.

Living the actual dream.

The Meghan Effect has commenced and honestly, I’m not mad. She seems to have lovely taste.

The New York Times released their list of the best books of 2017, and for a change I’ve read only one of them! Can anyone report back from any of the picks?

Mother McGrath shares her manifesto, and I’m ready for it!

I don’t see what the problem is here…

The murder of Heather Heyer by white supremacists was a preventable one. I mean, no kidding, but nice to have it confirmed anyway.

How to worry better. Seriously.

The trifecta: teaching girls to defend themselves, boys to be allies, and everyone what health consent is.

I love this: cinematic archaeology!

The Atlantic asks, will Mr. Pence and the religious right be (divinely?) rewarded for backing Mr. Trump?

There’s a lot to be mad about. Here’s something else: according to Moms Demand Action, this is the 57th school shooting in the US this year.

The Weinstein story got WORSE this week, if you can believe it.

What the hell is this?! I mean, boy bye, but we are officially in the Upside Down.

Luckily there was a tiny bit of redemption that the #MeToo movement and the “Silence Breakers” were awarded “Person of the Year.”

Anyone want to buy me this for Christmas?

2018’s color of the year is…

Album of the week last week (which I forgot to add): Rest by Charlotte Gainsbourg

Album of the week: Everyday is Christmas, by Sia 

The Hidden Drawer

“But have a care! It is a bitter blade, and steel serves only those that can wield it. It will cut your hand as willingly as aught else.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien

We have lived in our apartment for over a year and have only just made an embarrassing discovery. We have a cutlery drawer.

How could you just have discovered this, you ask?

Part of the reason we decided to move into this apartment was the fact that it had recently been renovated and a brand spanking new kitchen had been put in. It’s so shiny, guys, we nearly cried the first time we saw it. It’s not my Platonic Ideal of a kitchen but coming from the one room flat we lived in for three years that had one small cupboard stuck on a wall and about two feet of counter space, it’s downright Nirvana. The whole thing is designed for maximum storage and it’s nice to actually be able to put things away in an orderly fashion and cook with new appliances.

One of those appliances is a flat topped stove with built in ventilation and other systems that I’m sure I don’t properly understand. It appeared as if some of the design of this stove was also built beneath the surface of the counter because it because there was some bulky hardware when I opened the drawers situated a bit further down. Turns out I should have tugged on the nooks and crannies of this a bit more because I found a random tab on it the other day and put some elbow grease into it…and this popped out.

Jeff was in the other room and I had to call him over to make sure I hadn’t lost my mind. He too did a double take and demanded where this totally new drawer had sprang from.

After shaking our head at ourselves a bit, we resigned ourselves to our stupidity and stocked the drawer.

This is actually our first proper cutlery drawer of our married life. We begin to feel quite grown up.

ETA, the album of the week is Say Less, by Roy Woods